Day 18... and an edible doormat

Day 18

Disillusioned.
Fed up.
Almost at the point of....

...and still I continue. Why? I ask myself, but then I remember that I have lost just over half a stone; a feat unequalled ever before. I don't like this diet, it bungs me up worse than a champagne cork, I'm SEVERELY missin' me beer.... but I have, when all is considered, lost over half a stone.

This week has been.... 'interesting'. I was missing bread more than I could ever have imagined and, having cooked a full-blown French 3-course lunch for eight people twice during the last 7 days, and given each lot of a choice of five French cheeses each time; I was feeling a bit deprived - and very bored with the limited range of things I could eat. However, things were to look up.

A bit.

I baked the Dukan bread that is listed on the 'My Dukan Diet' website (http://www.mydukandiet.com/). Well, 'baked' is not a realistic descriptor of the process. 'Bunged' is more of an accurate description. Bung an egg, an egg white, 3 tablespoons of fat-free fromage frais (almost as bad to say as free-fahsand fevvers on a frushes froat...), 2 tablespoons of oat bran (now there's a surprise!), 1 tablespoon of wheat bran (a change of bran is as good as a rest) and some dried yeast into a bowl and mix it up (and make it nice.... rather unlikely with those ingredients), then bung it into a microwaveable bowl and finally bung it into the microwave for 4 minutes. The recipe said nothing about letting it rise, so I only gave it about 15 minutes to do anything it might - and it did nothing - so I bunged it into the microwave.

After 4 minutes it looked precisely the same as when it went in. I gave it another 4. Then another 2. The top looked a bit like bread (but not much) and when turned out the underside wasn't cooked. Back it went for another 2. Then another 2. That was 14 minutes and it hadn't risen at all. I thought that it would be best used for stopping planes running away when parked at Heathrow, but I was wrong. It still had a certain sogginess to the underside, but, in fact, sliced as thinly as possible, it made passable bread. Heavy, dark, dense bread, but bread nonetheless. We had Quark on it instead of butter (ooooooh, butter.... how I long for butter!) and it would be unfair for me to say that it wasn't ok. Don't get me wrong here, it wasn't anywhere near good, but it was ok. Next time I do it I will start the yeast culture off in a cup, with water and a few grains of sugar to feed the dried yeast, adding the culture to the other ingredients when starting to froth, and then I'll leave it to prove for a hour of so in a warm place. I'll also BAKE it in the oven in a baking-parchment-lined tin. It actually has the potential to be reasonable bread.

Bouyed up by my success (limited though it was) with Dukan bread I turned my attention to the Dukan Oat Bran Cookies. Having missed biscuits, not that I actually eat very many at any normal time, I wanted to have something with a biscuit-like texture. 3 table spoons of oat bran (of course), baking powder, an egg, a little sweetener and 2 tablespoons of fat-free yogurt made the mixture which I blobbed onto baking parchment at regular and well-spaced intervals. Into a pre-heated oven at 180C for 15 minutes. Set the timer and go away to write another article on France. Beep-beep..... open the oven door to discover something akin to a doormat. Edible doormat, but doormat. These blobs had spread to join together leaving little spaces in this layer of brown goo. Undercooked brown goo. I set the timer for another 10 minutes as the mixture was simply not cooked.

I made myself a cuppa and tickled the puppy's tum for a short time, then it was beep-time again. Out it came, looking even more doormat-like than before. The sheet of 'stuff' was put onto a cooling rack to cool off and crisp up - as cookies do. But these didn't.

They, or rather 'it' was edible if pulled apart and consumed. No way was this doormat like cookies could ever be expected to appear, but it did the biz; it stopped me wanting biscuits.

Today, during the break in the middle of the French class that I teach on a Friday morning, Jan brought out normal biscuits with the coffee. Boy, did they look good.
I was strong.
I didn't even reach for one.

I sulked instead.

My current sulking is mostly due to the fact that although there is obviously a redistribution of body fat happening - my beer gut is deminishing noticeably - I am not actually losing weight at the moment. Yesterday morning (Thurs) I was 18 stone 7; a pound heavier than I was on Monday. That's not encouraging. Dukan says that we can eat as much as we like of the permitted foods, but I think that this theory may be wrong. I think that, to get me started again with the weight loss, I will have to be very careful not to get too close to the fridge between mealtimes.

Jan just did a nice pud of sweet Dukan pancakes and fat-free Onken yogurt. We're permitted an amount of the flavoured ones as well as the natural, so that was welcome.

So, well into the cruise phase, I am looking forward to trying Dukan Mash (see 'I am the Dukan fat-Buster' for an exceptionally interesting and entertaining blog from a highly skilled blogger). Saturday we are eating at a the house of a couple of friends, and they are going to try to keep within the Dukan limitations for us. I wonder if I can keep my hands off the wine for the night.... I somehow doubt that I will be THAT strong. We'll see. Sunday is PP and then Monday (PV) is the Dukan mash with something; probably haddock, and a few veg. On Monday a friend arrives to stay for a few days. He is the one who lost 4 stone in three months with Dukan. It's all his friggin' fault! We'll no doubt get a chapter-and-verse-update on his progress, and we'll be able to see what sort of problems that he has overcome in his quest to be less of a person. He started in September and by Xmas he looked so much better for it.

I just hope that we do too - eventually.

Onwards and upwards..... or downwards if we're talking about weight and inches.

C

Day 14

It's Sunday 13th Feb and we started on Monday 30th Jan.


I started at 19 stone 1 lb, and now I'm 18 stone 6 lb, so bein' off the booze has achieved something, at least.


We are on the second phase and we're having veg/salad along with the protein on alternate days. Still not ideal, but then I cannot recall any part of the diet including four pints of beer a day.....


I'm told that other diets are easier, healthier, more sustainable - even enjoyable (now that I CANNOT imagine.... to ENJOY a diet regime? Nah!) but this is the one I'm on, so this is what we're doing. It's a Mastermind job..... "I've started, so I'll finish" - thank you Magnus.


So, this week we've eaten beef casserole, Lemon haddock, a sort of a mincey-curry-y-thing and all sorts. I've discovered a useful site: http://www.mydukandiet.com/, which I believe to be American. It gives a number of good ideas for making Dukan bearable. I have to confess that I'm still not sold on it, but as it's in process, that's what will be done for now.


I didn't think I'd miss bread, but Iam doing so. My quest for Dukan-friendly bread is still going on. I know that there are recipes for it, but it involves wheat bran as well as oat bran, and I've yet to find wheat bran. I suppose it'll be in the health food shops. That ingredient is supposed to open up a completely new world of joy and variety (yeah, right) and I'm looking forward to it. But not as much as I'm missing garlic bread. C'est comme ça.


So, here we go with the second week of the Cruise phase. I suppose I'm getting used to it. I confess that it's nice to be able to snaffle smoked mackerel from the fridge whenever I fancy it, but I'd swap it for a good quality pint.

You should also, if you are on the Dukan trail, visit: dukanfatbuster.blogspot.com/ because this lass is at about the same stage as we are - and her blog is MUCH better than mine. I've no idea who she is or where she is, but she seems a very capable person with a blog. I'm certainly gonna be following her progress with interest and take any advice that may come my way.

As I said to someone the other day when I was fiddling with my dishwasher salt in Tesco.... "I'll be hiding behind a piece of paper soon.... held sideways!" Some hope, but I am less of a man than I was so there is hope for me yet.

Have a great week......

Day 8 - start of second week...

Monday Feb 7

I HAD A SALAD TODAY!

I never thought I'd be so pleased to have a salad.

That four pints of water I had last night had its effect today - I managed a painless poo!

I had a cold salmon salad at lunchtime and then a turkey escalope salad this evening - cor, I is a lucky feller!

I'm a bit pissed off that I don't seem to have lost any more weight for 3 days. It must be down to me, but I can't think what I'm doing wrong. It'll probably start again soon. I sincerely hope so because I'm not stayin' off the booze for nuthin' !

I'll probably make the next entry in this story of gentlefolk and weight loss next weekend. Have a great week.

Day 7 - one week of Dukan....

I didn't get the hat made. Costumes were always a problem for me.

Seven days of Dukan. Still 18 stone 10lbs, but that's 5 lbs less than we started with and half a stone less than I was 10 days ago. That can't be bad.

We went to the Chinese New Year celebs.... a fair excuse for a piss-up; except that we're not allowed any. That was ok, we just drank water. I drank four pints that evening.

The Chinese food was great. Ken, our neighbour did a brilliant job of it; it was just such a pity that we could have so little of it ourselves. Never mind, I'm pleased that the weight's coming off. It was a fun evening though - they didn't start taking the piss out of me until quite late on so I got away relatively lightly for a change.

We got back home quite late so this posting is being done about 20 hours later.

Day 6

Day 6, Saturday Feb 5.

Bella D.Dog got me up much too early and I fell asleep on the sofa for an hour or three.

Breakfast was oat bran porridge. Not bad, but you must ensure that you eat it whilst it's warm - if it goes cold it sets like concrete. Hmmmmm..... perhaps that's what's happened inside me.

I have ensured that I have had all my litre and a half of water today because Friday I didn't and suffered today for it. I thought I was going to have to be drilled out. If there is a problem with this Dukan thingy for me, it's being blocked up. I am used to nipping in for poo number one adfter puttiung on my boiled eggs - and being back before they are timed out. Today? I could have done roast spuds with the time I was in the loo. And it was not pleasant - it hurt. I almost reached for the Mr Muscle Drain Unblocker.

If you do the Dukan diet, DRINK LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF WATER is my advice. And keep a bottle of syrup of figs handy too.

Still no booze. None since Monday. That's bad enough, but according to the book, I might not be allowed any until the end of June. It's only just February.

Yeah.... right!

Still, Monday should see us having a few veg (yippeeeeee) with our low-fat everythings.

Looks like another problem might be occurring too - fish breath! As if I haven't enough problem with me arse bricked up.

Apparently it happens with all protein-rich diets. I didn't think I'd fallen foul of it until I was told. Buggrit!

Ok, lets buy shares in toothpatse & mouthwash manufacturers.... But whatever the problems, I'm still 5 pounds lighter that I was on Monday morning.

We have a celebration of Chinese New Year tomorrow evening. Lots of booze and some interesting oriental food. We're only drinking water and we are gonna be severely limited as to nosh. Not my biggest problem though; my chief difficulty is making a Chinese hatfor the costume!

Anyone help?

Day by Day by Dukan - sounds like the name of a new book!

Day 5; Friday 4th Feb 2011.

18 stone 10lbs. That means I have lost 5 lbs since Monday morning.

Hips are hurting less - but that could be just down to more exercise. Whatever it is, I'm glad, as I didn't like them hurting like that.

Still difficult 'going', but not quite so much as it was.

That oat bran and skimmed milk makes a passable porridge. Jan discovered that a while ago. I agree.

Prawns for lunch. Nice cream lemon dip..... fat-free yogurt, chopped fresh herbs and grated zest of lemon . Don't put much lemon juice in though or it'll be too tart. It's great with poached salmon.

Back to the galettes again this eve (yawn) but with swordfish steaks and the lemon dip.

I'm still drinking my water, but I can't truthfully say it has been a litre and a half today yet. We're going to a Chinese New Year celebration on Sunday eve where the beer will be flowing like water..... and I'll be on the water. not the beer... Dammit. Still, we'll be able to have a little food on Sun eve as the following morning we start the second phase of the Dukan Diet - The CRUISE phase.

I don't think it'll be such a 'cruise' as the book suggests. However, we'll be able to have veg for 5 days out of the 7 in a week. Not spuds, rice, corn or any of the other starchy veg. Or peas. Or avocado (I know; it's a fruit). At least I can have my steamed sprout. I'll be on this phase for between two and four months, until I get to my target weight; 15 stone nuffin.

I missed my 5 o'clock club - BUGGRIT! I could hardly walk down to the Crown and have a cup of coffee, could I? I might be able to have one next week. But that'll be it. One. I'm not going to mess up the whole diet for an extreme glug of San Miguel on a Friday.

So, into the weekend we go. Let's see what happens.

When in the Cruise phase I will probably not blog every day; probably week by week, but it will still be open and truthful so that it is a genuine representation of one person's attempt at weight loss using this book-based eating plan.

Happy weekend to you.......

Day 4

Half-way point in the 7 day 'attack' phase.

.....and I've BEEN!

....It was about as slow and painful as being in an M25 traffic jam with Chris Evans on the radio.

However, leaving all of that behind me.....

Day 4. Boiled eggs for brekky, pig's kidney for lunch and beef mince & onions for dinner; I've survived the day. I think that my afternoon walk with the dog was a bit short but I had been making lots of kitchen cupboard doors during the morning so, with luck, that may make up for it a bit. More water will have to be consumed before bedtime, but that's not a problem. I'd prefer it if the water had been through the brewing process though.

Dukan-wise, an uneventful day. No great pangs of want or need, no gazing longingly at the only can of beer in the fridge, no nuthin' really. My difficulty is, however, that at 5pm tomorrow I would normally be at The Crown, one foot on the rail, dog by my side, relating to other sad sods about my week whilst downing copious quantities of amber fluid. And I can't do it. I can't even go down there at that time because it'd feel quite bizarre with a cup of black coffee replacing numerous pints of San Miguel. Buggrit.

Never mind; I am losing weight, and I'm saving the beer money. Not that Steve, the landlord, will be pleased about that; he'll just remind me when I see him next that so many village pubs are going to the wall and that I could be part of his downfall.

The thing is that I agree with him.

So, the only comment I can make at this time is that I'll be glad when this protein-only 'attack' phase is over (on Monday) because I'm starting to make sheep's eyes at the bag of frozen petits-pois and becoming quite orgasmic at the thought of a wonderful 8-minute steamed Brussels sprout.

Hey-ho.